期待,卻轉換成寂寞的一種情緒。心情錯綜複雜,推去了所有邀約,只是想要一些自由一些空氣、一些自己能夠掌握的時間和那些獨立分出的氛圍。
昨日午後印象裡的電影畫面以Linkin Park 「Leave Out All The Rest」作為黑幕降下的結尾暗語,在心中構成的畫面和影子就如此揮之不去的隨著節奏走著走著...
自己穿的像沒有綠意的聖誕紅一樣行走在街上和朋友漫無目的的交談,從人談到人然後再談到人,原來大家的聖誕節都一樣寂寞。
只是想藉由另一種形式紀念節日,我終究還是無法不去紀念。注意到台北新光三越地下一樓的鯛魚燒換家了,我還能在哪裡尋找到這麼大的鯛魚燒來紀念我記憶裡的溫暖?反覆檢視那一排商家,從頭走到尾又由從尾走到頭,然後下到下一層樓確認位置,對於事實景象的存在能否認到底就好了。
自己送給自己的聖誕禮物現在還愁眉苦臉的靠座在螢幕旁邊,暫且叫它灰色小驢子。
然後我注意到與生命搏鬥三天多試著努力振翅飛起的飛蛾選擇在聖誕節這天走去,卻將翅膀留下。
第二項禮物是到手的兩本新書,雪球和關於跑步。
寂寞、苦惱又有點快樂,微妙的感覺。
Merry Christmas
Leave Out All The Rest lyrics
-Linkin Park
I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here
So if you're asking me
I want you to know
[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
[End Chorus]
Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating
I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
So if you're asking me
I want you to know
[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that ive done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
[End Chorus]
Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that ive done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are
